Am I the man you know?
What if I told you that I lied and hid all my struggles from the beauty of your face? What if when I look at you I see hope unquenchable? What if all I try to be was for you and the reason I never said it was my inability to have you live with so much guilt an a sense of owing me. What if I have never wanted you to get less than you should? What if this should be as perfect as we imagined it to be and in the act I suffered alone.
If I could have you here by my side when I breakdown would it be a weakness, would you bolt like my kinsmen? How far can draw your sorrows, when tragedy befalls tragedy continuously. Consecutive dissappointment clouding the previous joy and victory ,rendering you in a place where Praise is a sacrifice. You imagine your next smooth sailing month, a fixed abode, a proper budget, exercising your proper Faith in peace.
What are your fears my love, is it the hopelessness or the fear of a poverty filled life.Are you scared that your imported beauty desires would cease? Is it the fear of lack, I mean the consumption of foreign gear, the limelight? What completes you? I long to understand you, its closure on why I fear to narrate my horrors, my pain and anxiety. It breaks mine to know that I have to be invincible in fear of pushing the very person I desire trully.
I sometimes snap back into reality just after your departure, my rented life, hire purchase car, contract cellphone all continously enslave me in my desire to belong to you. What could I be without your smile. You soothe my restlessness, you stabilise my raging emotions. You are the hope of my freedom, a symbol of a new era. I am clad to these blood sucking materials for you. Would you believe that? The desire to please woman is a genetical curse. Would you believe me if I told you that I would not slave a day were it not for the fear of losing you to the highest bidder. I mean numbers don’t lie.
I break everyday yet here I am with you and you are clueless of the real man that I hope you could embrace and maybe grow with me to the levels you have set up as standards, a model you have undeniably pronounced. I long for that acceptance with no conditions, as I am. I long to lay on your shoulder as you remove the thorns from my pierced and hands, to tell you how rough the corporate world is and to tell you how evil they snatch our savings when I try to take you on that beautiful holiday. I long to tell you why it has taken me so long to raise the bride price. I long to exhale with you having known that I tried. Forever mine..
Ricky Cobb